Life's Moments

There a few moments in a person's life that have profound consequences. Most of the time, we don't realize that we are actually living that moment. It passes by, and we deal with the effects. Some are good and some are bad, but we just deal. However, when it comes to cancer, I did realize that my family was living in the "moment."

In November of last year, it began with Jen's Lymphoma diagnosis. At that time, we were looking down a long dark tunnel, with uncertainty surrounding us. During the next 6 months, I learned at lot about life, and living. Most important I learned that my wife is one tough girl. We can never fully understand the depths of what she endured. Going through pregnancy while on chemo therapy is a very uncommon occurrence. The physical and emotional hardship is unfathomable. I also learned that there are multiple facets to love. Before, the cancer, I loved my wife so much, words could not do it justice. After living through cancer with her, believe it or not, I love her even more. At times, I was at emotional breaking points, but even with all she was going through, she was actually there for me. We pulled each other through this difficult time and I will never forget it.

The next "moment" came when our daughter Caitlin Marie was born. When Jen was diagnosed with Lymphoma, she was already 3 months pregnant. At that time, delaying chemo treatments was out of the question because of how sick Jen was getting. We felt that her condition would only get worse and do more harm to our baby than good. So we went ahead and began chemo treatments. All we had was our faith in God, praying that the baby could endure these harsh chemicals while they were saving her Mom. On April 9th, Caitlin was ready to meet us. With the grace of God, and one amazing wife, she was born. A beautiful blue eyed blond hair baby girl. I am sitting her now, just finished with her 3 A.M. feeding, and I am truly humbled in the presence of such grace and beauty.

The final "moment" occurred while I sat in the waiting room of a molecular imaging company, while Jen lay under a CAT scan machine. During that hour, I imagined the other husbands and fathers sitting and waiting for their wives. What were they thinking, what news would they get. Each, including myself, would live vastly different lives based off of one test, one moment. How many more times would we have to endure this test. With the grace of God once again, my moment ended up in a positive note. On that Friday, after numerous calls to Jen's oncologist office, I got the news. I decided that Ethan deliver it to her. On that afternoon, my Son delivered the amazing news to Jen. "Mom its negative." Which really means, they could not find the cancer.

Over two months have passed by since that Friday in April. I am not going to say that Jen's remaining three chemo treatments after that were a joy. In fact, they were some of the hardest on her. She did finish and now 25 days later she is doing great. Even as this chapter in our lives comes to an end. I have to thank God for bringing us through this. Here is a great poem that my wife loves. It means a lot to us.

Footsteps In The Sand

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back, at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Author unknown